Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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