i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
