my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
