i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
