Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
