When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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