So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
