Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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