I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize