Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize