i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
