why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
