Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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