..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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