Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
