Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my being single is dangerous.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
