never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
