this just has baby written all over it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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