i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
