I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
