Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
