Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
