so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
