yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
