actually, I'm a sock model
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
