Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
