The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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