I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
