He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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