I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize