when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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