So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
