it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
