He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
