I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
