Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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