I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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