Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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