Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
