Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
