I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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