i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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