STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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