just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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