I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
