in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
