ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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