im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
