My liver just broke up with me...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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