I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
