Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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