I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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