Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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