My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
one might say we're banned from that church
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
