I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize