if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
