When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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