I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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