I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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