I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
