Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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